Religious Freedom

Watch out readers, I'm about to go political on you with a side of religion.  This could get ugly!

I'm sure everyone has heard about the Islamic Center that is to be built near the World Trade Center site.  You've heard about all the protesting and all the rallies.  I have to ask, how many of the people there now protesting this center know anything about Islam and it's relation to the terrorist attacks?  Its seems to me that they are confusing Islams with radicals.  Radicals are the ones who took out the Trade centers and the Pentagon and Radicals (many forget this part) are also the ones who have bombed other Muslims.  By bombing Muslims, that sets them apart from other Muslims for it would be counter-productive of them to bomb themselves.

My boyfriend is Muslim and I told him honestly that I was a little scared of his faith, simply because I grew up in a world of 9/11.  I always hated those who held a prejudice towards anyone of the darker skin.  It angered me to hear others speak of "towel heads" like they were all responsible.  That said, I always feared the religion simply because I felt it held a lot of power over it's followers.  I thought for a long time that those who partook in the attacks were drawn into it by their religion.  That Osama looked at them and said that it was their duty as believers in Mohamed.  I told this to my boyfriend and he wasn't offended or mad.  He simply looked at me and explained that those who were responsible for the terrorist attacks were bad Muslims.  "They look down on other Muslims because they think that in some way, they are better Muslims than the rest of us.  That they have a better faith and understanding of the religion. That they are special and deserve to be treated as such."  He also told me that they are easy to spot!  They are the ones who look snidely at other Muslims at the Mosque.  (I can think of many Christians who have done the same thing!) 

When ever something like this happens, one really has to ask, do we really have religious freedom?  Sure we can believe whatever we want, the Constitution says so.  But the Constitution doesn't keep us from holding prejudice against those who are different in their religion.  We pity those who are different because they don't know that they are in the wrong religion but who is to say what is the right religion?  I don't understand why there has to be a "right" religion (That question is for you boyfriend)?  When you really get down to it, and look simply at the religious aspect (not the practice of the religions) the main difference between Christianity and Islam is, they believe that Jesus was a prophet, not the son of God.  They don't denounce his importance just his title.  Realistically none of us can say whether or not he was the son of God.  The Bible says that we are all God's children, what if the Bible, by calling him the son of God, just meant that he was one of us,  another child of God?  The main point of this is not to question Jesus as the son of God or as a prophet.  My point is that they believe in God just like any Baptist, Jew, Mormon, Moravian, Purists, Catholic, and even Satan worshipers.  There really is no religious difference just religious practice.  Why can't that be seem as something beautiful?  Whats important is to have a belief and have faith.

 Anyways, the point is in reality, how much religious freedom do we have?  If Muslims, who were already part of the community when the attacks happened and when many worked in both the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, can't build a center to celebrate their religious freedom two blocks from the northern edge of the 16 acre WTC site, which is still half a dozen New York blocks from the edge of the North Tower, then what religious freedom does anyone have?  When they wrote the Constitution, did they mean religious freedom if we all like the particular religion?  No it does not.

Gingrich was quoted saying, "Nazis don't have the right to put up a sign next to the Holocaust Museum in Washington. We would never accept the Japanese putting up a site next to Pearl Harbor. There's no reason for us to accept a mosque next to the World Trade Center."  Does anyone else see they extreme problem with this statement?  The Nazis, as a whole, where responsible for the Holocaust.  The group known as the Nazis, began and carried out the Holocaust.  You wouldn't say no to a German convention center near Holocaust Museum in Washington.  The Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor.  The war lords decided to force America into the fight and sent bombers to Pearl Harbor.  You still wouldn't say no to a Kabuki Theatre in Hawaii!  The Nazis and the Japanese are not even an example of religion!!!  The Radical Terrorist happen to be Muslim they were not Muslim Terrorist, there is a big difference.  The religion that the terrorist are is not what makes them terrorist.  If that were true then my boyfriend would have to be a terrorist and trust me people, I am not that desperate.

Changes

Hello follow readers.  I'm sorry that it has been soooo long since the last time I posted.  Between two jobs and the play I was in, I really haven't had time for anything.  The new format of the blog is for the new leaves of summer.  It brings about many changes.  Along with changes in one's life.  For example, I'm now in a relationship.  Yes readers, I now have a boyfriend.  I honestly never thought it would happen to me, well not so soon.  I really thought it would be a long time before I met someone.  Funny thing is, he is my neighbor!  Honestly I was a little creeped out by him and his friends at first when they moved in.  I allowed myself to be shy and a little bit racist (but every bodies just a little bit racist right?).  You have to understand, he's Moroccan and they speak Arabic, so of course I honestly thought that they were Middle Eastern.  So they were strange and different to me.  Of course that is now one of the many things that I love about him.

My point in telling you all this is the story of how this relationship started for me.  We met one night while him and his friends were having a bar-b-que and they called me over.  We talked that night and then every night after that.  He is a gorgeous, exotic, and sweetest man I have ever met, so I couldn't understand what he could want from me.  I thought he just wanted to sleep with me as that tends to happen with the men I date lately.  They just use me and move on.  I've even seen pictures of some of the girls that he didn't choose to even date for some reason, and they are beautiful.  So I couldn't see why he wanted to be in a relationship (which is more than what he offered those other girls) with me.  I know what your thinking; either it's "it's not all about looks," or "your a beautiful girl".  Forgive me for being down on myself but lets be honest, we are all our own worst critics.  Anyways, I didn't want to let him in.  I refused to believe that it was real and created a wall around my heart so that he couldn't get in.  Me!  The girl who has always believed in love and always rooted for love, was afraid of even trying to let someone love her.  I didn't realize I had let my past allow me to get so jaded.  I didn't even realize it, I thought that maybe I really didn't want to be with this man.  I spent a full 24 hours away from him and everyone else in my life and really thought about it.  I didn't understand it; here was this beautiful man who was so nice to me.  We had know each other for a week and he was already trying to take care of me which no one has ever done save for my parents (but that's their job right?).  The next night after we kissed for the first time, he gave me this necklace.  It's nothing special really just a gold chain, but his sister gave it to him so even though it itself is simple it is really special.  I was REALLY uncomfortable with him giving it to me, but then he looked at me and said "No, this is not cause we are together.  We can break up tomorrow and you would keep this.  This is because you are different" (I'm typing it word for word; English is not his first language).  I was so surprised that I was so guarded and distant from him.  After thinking about how he treats me and how I felt, it hit me.  I wasn't letting him in because I was afraid.  I had allowed my past relationships (past failures and heartbreaks) stop me from allowing myself to fall for him.  Once I realized this the walls just collapsed away and my real feelings flooded in like a typhoon. 

How many times have people passed up the opportunity for something great just because they were scared?  I'm not just talking about relationships, I'm talking about life.  We all get scared of many things in our lives.  We face so many choices through out it.  What it really comes down to is, what will you regret?  Will you regret not; taking that job or internship, meeting that friend or making that friend, going to that college, or given that person a chance to be with you.  I could have just been shy and unfriendly to my neighbors and never met my now boyfriend.  Regardless as to how my relationship ends, I'm never going to regret it because he loves me more than anyone ever has and I love him more than anyone else.  Do you have regrets?  Regrets are hard to live with, but I feel that I have none simply because I learned something from all of my experiences.  So maybe you didn't take that job, that trip, that relationship, but I bet you won't make that mistake again.

The Query of the Engagement Ring

So for someone without any real prospects of getting engaged any time soon, I am utterly fascinated by the power of the engagement ring that most people never consider. I say this in two respects: 1) the sexist symbolism of the engagement ring and 2) the personality of an engagement ring which can make or break a relationship.

I'll start with item one. I feel like I should preface this by saying that I have always been gunning for that big, beautiful diamond. I'm a woman, I like shiny, pretty things, I want my ring!

BUT, with that being said, the nature of the engagement ring is highly sexist. Women wear an engagement ring as a way of saying to the world "I am off the market" before they ever actually enter into the legal and/or spiritual bonds of marriage. Men, however, do not do this. Instead they walk around for whatever amount of time they are engaged appearing no more taken than they were before they ever met their fiance. So why is it that a woman has to wear a "marker" of her taken status but a man doesn't? Why does she have to be inadvertently labeled as someone else's property but a man doesn't?

My solution: men get engagement rings too. You could say that we could abolish the engagement ring all together but I like the idea of a couple expressing their commitment to one another through a subtle yet visible piece of jewelry. I just think that if a man is willing to dedicate himself to wearing a wedding ring with his beloved, he should love her enough to show his commitment in the same way she does while they're engaged.

Item two: how intimidating is the engagement ring? I mean seriously, ladies, if a man gets down on one knee and opens the box to a ring you can't stand, what do you think? I guarantee you you're thinking "how does this man who thinks he knows me well enough to marry me not know me well enough to get me a ring that I like?" And as a man doing the shopping, I have to imagine a similar thought goes through his head. (Of course this assumes you are following the traditional gender roles of a man proposing to a woman). Basically, that little ring packs a whole huge punch of a message, and I can't help but think that's as intimidating as it is remarkable.

So there you have it ladies and gentlemen, a terrifying but hopefully thought provoking analysis of the all important engagement ring. But I do think in all of this it's important to remember that what matters most is each persons relationship and how each couple chooses to handle their level and expression of commitment. Just remember to be happy.

The Horse or the Cart?

Do our relationships define us, or do we define our relationships?  I'm sure it's different for everybody, but if one is unhappy with their current love life then it's a question that one has to ask.  If your relationships define you, then you need to pick your relationships more carefully.  If you define your relationships, then it is you that you have to change to be happy.  I think it's hard for our relationships not to guide our future choices, especially our first relationship.  I think it is something like the question of, "which came first, the horse or the cart?" or if you prefer "the chicken or the egg?"  You can always rationalize either answer, but can you do the same for your relationships?  You may think, well I chose who I want to date, but have you ever thought as to why you are attracted to that particular person?  If you think, I just don't want to date the same person over and over again, do you still find that type of person attractive?

I am someone who's relationships define her.  If your relationships define you, then you will never allow yourself to get into the same relationship twice.  Ever since my very first boyfriend, I have never been able to date anyone like him.  I can't even date someone who looks like him in any sort of way.  I am instantly turned off by them if they bare the slightest resemblance.  I think back to my past relationships over the last four years and you know how they always say that hind sight is 20/20.  Well looking back I can't find a single one that didn't scream disaster from the start.  That said, I have always been picky from the start.  I've never like to think that I just jump into a relationship and I never like someone from the first meeting.  I believe that love at first sight happens, but I'm not someone who has it.  Maybe some day I will experience it, but I'm not going to sit around waiting for it.  I always have to get to know someone before I would date them which kinda defeats the purpose.  Maybe that's what I'm doing wrong, instead of thinking that I'm cautious, I'm actually jumping in.  I'm not dating, I'm going straight into a relationship.  That is what is wrong with my relationships.  Not to mention that the guys that I jump with really counted to three and watched while I jumped all by myself. That said, I also have to ask myself that even though ever single one of these guys are completely different, is there something about them that caused them to end the same way?     

If you define your relationships, you need to ask yourself why I pick those relationships?  Most likely you need to sit down and figure that out about yourself before you can move on from these relationships that do nothing but hurt. 

It goes without saying that your most important relationship is with yourself.  If you fear that you being too independent keeps you from having a good relationship, then I would have to say that the people you are with are just too weak to deserve you.  Once you figure out what makes you happy, then you can find someone who will share that with you.  Course it has been my experience that finding that person is easier said than done! 

I feel that this is subject is not done...lets see what is said about it and I may continue further.

The Empty World

I feel it hit me.  I don't ask for it and I don't expect it.  There is nothing I can do.  It's like a bad trip from a drug, all I can do is wait it out and hope it passes soon.  It's loneliness and it's like Venom from Spider Man, it latches on to me without my permission and turns me into a different person.  I turn into this needy, weepy person.  The life drains from me and I scrape around like a zombie.  It can be triggered by many different things, all of which are unavoidable.  A friend cancels their plans with me, a couple being cute, seeing an old lover who has moved on to someone new, or a on-radio grief counseling show.  No one (currently in my life) can make it go away, I can't just call up a friend for it just wouldn't do the trick.  I also fear that it would create a co-dependency.  I'm afraid that I already have one co-dependency with relationships. Luckily it doesn't happen that often, but that also causes it to knock me even more off my game for it's unexpected.  I hate that I feel it.  I have a great life; wonderful friends, loving parents, two jobs, school, and many hobbies so many people in this world have so much less than me.  I barely have time for anything else, so why does my life feel so empty at times?  Do I really need anything else?  Many of you may argue, "yes, you need that special someone in your life!"  I'm not saying that's not true, what I'm saying is just because I don't have "him" does everything have to feel so....less?  I think it's stupid and silly that anyone could feel this way and I hate myself for feeling like this.  The only thing I can do about it is let it pass.  So I sit and type this, eating mint chocolate chip ice cream and watch Pretty Woman.  I watch as Richard Gere climbs up the fire escape to kiss Julia Roberts and think "how unrealistic".  I can't help but wonder, why can't it be like that?  The romantic aspect, not the unrealistic part (a hooker ending up looking like Julia Roberts and a rich man falling in love with her).  I can't decide if thinking that romance is dead and that stuff like romance never happens in real life is; smart or cynical?  I'm sure that will be a question that may never be answered.  Plus it's late and I really don't want to think about this any more tonight.  So I switch the T.V. over to Futurama to try and cheer myself up.  Dammit!  It's the one about Fry's dog.  Well so much for that idea.

Floating in a Sea of Taffita and Silk

I have recently noticed a trend in my high school peers, they are all getting married.  It seems that every time I get on face book, I find another old school mate who has tied the knot.  A lot of them either never seemed to date in High School or they dated a lot in High School.  I wonder if I will ever get use to seeing my friends getting married.  It just seems so strange to see my peers, people I've know most of my life and are my age, doing something very grown up.  As if I didn't feel like the only single girl left as it is!  Not to mention it just seems so far fetched that someone my age could find bliss with another person seeing as I am so far from marriage.  There is not a single person in my life that I would consider marrying.  And what about the whole "marrying young" issue?  So many marriages end in divorce, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.  But with the odds against marriages as it is, I wonder how many of my friends will have divorced and re-married by the time I finally get married.  When my mother got married (at age 25), many of her old high school friends were surprised to find that it was only her first.  That fact use to shock me as a child, but now I wonder if I will go through the same thing.  All that said, I feel that I should probably clarify something.  Before all you fellow readers freak out and worry, I'm not worried about getting married.  I know (at least I hope) that I will get married someday.  It's when I'm 30 that I'll start to get worried.  Till then, I'm happy with where I am.  I can't help but wonder if I would feel any different if I was in a good relationship?  Would I be ok with idea of getting married so young, cause lets face it 21 1/2 is pretty young to be getting married.  I mean I've always felt that it is an age that it's a possibility.  My conditions for when I'm ready to get married are:

 1. Be at least 21, I feel that you should be able to drink at your own wedding.
 2. Be finished with college.
 3. Have a job of my own.
 4. Have been together for at least two years.
 5. And before we officially tie the knot, have lived together long enough to know that we wouldn't kill each other.

This is not a guide line for others or set in stone, but it's just what I would need to feel that I was making a good choice.  I wonder how many of my now married companions put this much thought into it or if they had this many provisions to know that it was right?  Many would say that you would just know, but how many of them ended up knowing that they needed a divorce?  I guess only time will tell to many of these questions.

Tag: by Josephine

This will be a quick post, I just had a funny conversation with a friend the other day about tagging men. Pretty much, if they are jerks: tag them! Thoughts?

Apparently there's already a rating system a la Yelp out there...