On a Personal Note....

It has been a long time since I last posted anything.  Since I am currently unemployed, why not start posting again.  I graduated in December 2012 and have yet to obtain any kind of employment.  Even though I have changed states and received my degree in English Education, I can't even get a part time job.  If you think getting hired is hard, try getting hired as a cover Muslim woman.  Some of you might be thinking, "Oh it doesn't matter", which I use to tell myself too.  But that is no more true than the fairy tales our parents use to read us to sleep with.  As I said before, only 30% of current graduates are employed.  About 3% of them are covered Muslim women.  I have interviewed for many jobs that I was OVER qualified for and still never received a follow up.  I'm sure many of you are thinking, "Well maybe you just weren't a good fit", and your right.  Maybe I wasn't a good fit.  But I can bet that the majority of me not fitting was their dress code.  Even though a Christian can wear a cross every day and at Christmas, schools can put up Christmas trees, I can't wear a hijab (for those of you who don't know, that's a head scarf).  There are women out there who go to work every day with their breast hanging out and I'm a liability.  And if you think just because a woman isn't in a hijab that they are not Muslim, you've got another thing coming!  Sure many Americans fear terrorist, this American included, but shouldn't you be more worried about the uncovered Muslims?  They are the ones trying to "blend in" and therefore sneak up on you.  I am in no way trying to insult my uncovered sisters, I am just trying to make a point here.  I was born here, I love it here, I am an American and I always will be.  So stop looking at me like I'm going to flay you alive!  I never apply for a job that I am not qualified and enthusiastic for.  Yet, since I don't fit the perfect American girl mold, I am not a good fit.  Well screw that!  It you don't hire me because of the way I look then you are truly a low person, unworthy of my time.

Many people don't realize that every time any attack is made any where in the world, every Muslim cringes in fear.  Not only for their lives but for their beliefs.  When the Boston Bombings occurred, almost every Muslim facebook status gave sympathy for the families and loved ones involved.  But they also prayed that it was not Islamic terrorist, if you can even call them Islamic.  When it turned out to be Muslim boys, we all feared the outdoors for weeks.  I was afraid to go out by myself!  I asked my husband why no one in the Muslim community was speaking up to say anything and he said "Because no one would listen".  Sad thing is, he's right.  But I still want to say something.  Those of you who are Muslim and think, "Hey, I'll say how I feel with a bomb", then you are not a Muslim and you need to find something else to believe in.  We true Muslims are tired of getting the blame for your misguided ideals.  The Quran says that we are not to bring harm against those who are defenseless.  That means that if a robber shows up in your house with a gun, by all means fight back.  But if people gather in celebration and togetherness, it is not an opportunity for violence, it is an opportunity for love.  Anyone who hurts or kills another for any reason other than self defense is not a true follower of Islam,  they are just a murderer.  And by self defense I mean they attack you physically.  I know it is hard to resist Western influences, I've grown up with them.  But they are by no means an attack to retaliate against.  If there are any Muslims who read this and are offended, good.  If this honestly offends you then you need to re-read the Quran.  And if there are any Christians who don't want to listen to this and still think I'm some kind of terrorist, then I challenge you to look up Christianities' history.  It has "red in it's ledger" as well.

There will always be hate in this world.  I just ask that you not direct towards those who are innocent.  Deep down, we all bleed the same color.  When I take my hijab off, I have the same blonde hair and pale skin that you have.  I hope that this has made you angry, made you think, and made you question yourself.  I will never ask you to change your beliefs for me, so don't ask me to.

A Woman's Freedom

I thought I published this already but according to my dashboard it is only a draft.  I wrote this a long time ago for a friend to use on her paper.  That's right, I've been cited in a scholarly essay.  Any ways, I'm going to post this now.  Enjoy.

As the centuries have gone by, one tends to look back and marvel at all the changes we, as women, have gone through.  Throughout history we have fought, cried, and done things that maybe we are not proud of, all for the sake of claiming our freedom as women.  To show that we are not the weaker sex and that we can do whatever we want.  It is a woman's world today and even though it is debatable as to if we truly are equal to man, we can at least say that we are free right?  However, when you think about it, just how free are we?
I want to solely focus on one thing here so lets look at clothing.  Although this may not seem like a big factor in deciding our freedom, think about the changes that clothing has brought about.  In the 1950s women wore the pearls.  A symbol of the angelic house wife; vacuuming in pearls.  It was ideal to be the perfect housewife and to be home for the kids and your husband.  Then in the 1980s a change happened, women began to wear shoulder pads and suits.  This was done to bring about a change in how women were viewed in the workplace, by giving themselves a more "manly" look at the office it allowed them to be as cut throat as the men and viewed as such.  They moved up in the business world and now overrun it.  We went from being docile, home-bodie creatures to man slaughtering business women.  All was helped with fashion and how we allowed ourselves to be perceived.

When one thinks to today and women's fashion, one would say that women have never had more freedom.  We are allowed to dress any way that we want so of course we are free.  Well not exactly.  Many look at other cultures to compare an American woman's freedom and the easiest thing to exam is the difference in clothing.  One other culture that we easily see on our soil is the Muslim women.  This is more of a religious difference than culture I realize, but what affects are culture most if not religion?  One could look at the Muslim woman with her hijab on and covered from wrist to ankle and instantly think, 'that poor girl, she is so oppressed'.  But how oppressed is she really?  She wears those out of choice and it is done not as a degradation to the woman form.  Muslim women are viewed to be so beautiful that they are a distraction to Muslim men.  "If they weren't covered, we never get anything done!" says Mohammed Young a born Muslim man.  His wife, Charissa, agreed and stated, "Everyone thinks that they are so free when in reality the media oppresses them into wearing what they want." 

The hijab is the hardest thing to get over; I mean they have to cover their hair.  That is one of the main things that sets us apart as individuals.  However, take one look at the Hasidic Jews and you would think twice about a hijab.  Most Hasidic Jewish women cover their hair with sheitel or wig and others with a tichel or scarf.  However, when a Hasidic Jewish woman in the Satmar group gets married they have to shave their head.  This is not just for the wedding ceremony either, they have to keep it shaved for the rest of their lives.  Although we may see this as extreme, just think about how many times either you or a friend complained and stated that they were going to "just shave it all off"?  All because their hair didn't look a certain way or behave a certain way.

How free are we?  America is so sexualized it begs to ask the question.  Charissa Young is a revert, not born Muslim, she grew up with the same freedoms as every American girl.  So it why would she want to convert into this religion if it is so oppressive to women?  Everyday we see sex, the woman's body is put on display, and whether it looks like you or not it affects your decision in how you dress that day.  There have been many days when I spent hours trying to find something to wear and nothing was good enough because I didn't fell pretty or fashionable compared to the women on the screens.  I'm sure not everyone feels that way but it is impossible for you not to be affected by t.v. or movies, or magazines.  We see women like Muslims or Hasidic Jews as oppressed but is it no that we are really the ones who are oppressed?  We have to deal with the pressures of what a woman is as a sex object.  So when you think about it, is there really a woman in the world who is actually free?

What Time is it?

Began to watch the movie Timer, where people are given the option to get a a timer implanted into their arms.  What this timer does is it counts down the days, months, hours, minutes, and seconds till you meet your soul mate.  Your timer will only activate once your soul mate has a timer implanted as well.  I found this to be an interesting concept and poses quite the question.  Would you want a timer that told you when you were going to meet your soul mate?  Oh I forgot the most important, once it counts down to the 24 hours before you will meet your soul mate and a little bell goes off with this cute little tune once you lay eyes on them.  So there is no doubt that they are your soul mate.

The benefits, of course, are that if you were with your soul mate, you would know instantly.  No question, no doubt, no reason to fear because this person is the one.  You may not see it instantly or you may not even like this person when you meet them but if your counter is done and goes off for this person they are your soul mate.

But what if you love someone and the two of you decided to go and get timers and then your timers didn't match up?  Would you be sad but also reassured in knowing that you are going to meet your true soul mate by the time your timer says?  What if every part of your being told you that the person you were with was your soul mate but the timer disagreed with that idea?  Would you ignore the timer and stay with the one you love?  Knowing full well that at any time you would meet your real soul mate and the cosmos would meld you together.  Breaking the heart of the one you are with, the one that you at least care deeply about.  And would you just fall out of love with the one you are with or continue to love them and your soul mate?

This technology does not exist, and I really can't see it becoming a need anytime to make such a device, but just imagine all the people that would buy something like this!  All the people on sites like e-harmony for start.  And apparently that's a lot of people these days.  In essence, e-harmony is the closest thing we have to a timer.  It takes information about our personality and matches us to people that we work for us.  The same with the timer except when this person signs up for e-harmony, you get an email and decide when you will meet.  With the Timer, fate decides.

Do we need something like a timer?  At least if we had them, there would never be any doubt.  You would never wonder if there was someone better for you out there or wish that you had dated more.  But are you not suppose to feel that way with your soul mate anyways?  And what if your timer never activates or sets for when your 80?  Would you wait for you soul mate to come into your life or just go with what your given?  They may not be your soul mate, but what if they made you happy?  Shouldn't that be what really matters?  If you are always looking for your soul mate, you may always be alone.  And if they are not your soul mate at the time you meet, that doesn't mean that they won't be later.  Then you would have passed them up simply because they didn't fit your list perfectly.

So the question is, would you get a Timer?  Or would you leave it up to you and fate to find your soul mate?

An Education

As you grow up you learn many things and it's true, you are never too old to learn something new.  I have learned that the first slaves ever recorded were actually white.  They were Slavic, so it doesn't get much whiter than that!  I've learned that "shunggal tea" (spelled how it sounds!) is "come here please" in Arabic.  I have learned almost everything there is about 35 mm film and how to fix problems with it.  But have you ever learned a something about someone who was once in your life?  Something that, you never knew and changes a lot of things about that person?  I recently learned something about a friend from High School.  The specifics are not important and very private, I don't really feel it was something that I was ever suppose to know.  So I will not share the details, but I will say this, it completely changes my vunderstanding of this person.  When I say that they were a friend I mean that I knew them and talked to them and at one point was a very good friend of theirs.  But time changes people and they drift apart.  This person changed a lot during High School and I thought I knew why but I was very wrong.  This person came from a home that was very, shall we say, restricted.  As in all their life, only "G" rated movies were allowed.  I'm sure that there were other restrictions but this is the one I was told of.  So when they got into college, it was no shock they went a little wild.  This person did a complete 180 from who she was.  When I learned this secret, it changed a lot for me.  It's one of those secrets that makes you feel bad.  Bad for it happening in the first place and bad that you didn't help the person it happened to.  There is nothing I can do about it now but I can't help but wonder if I could have helped?  If it would have changed things between us.  Maybe we wouldn't have drifted apart as much, although I feel that was inevitable.  Its sad that finding a horrible truth makes me realize how little I did know about my friend.  I can understand why they didn't tell me and I guess I am glad that they didn't.  I don't think I could have handled it as a kid.  Still, I wish I could have done something, been there for them in some way.  It still is a secret that I'm sure that I'm not suppose to know so now I feel trapped.  Trapped by the education on my friend for I can't say anything to them about it to learn more and I can't say nothing.  I guess just a "how are things" will just have to do.

Everybody is a Little Bit Cynical

A couple of nights ago as I drove home from work, I heard a couple call into the radio station.  They had met two weeks ago, got engaged on Saturday, and then instead of waiting went ahead and got married on Monday.  They sounded so happy and excited, yet all I felt was horror.  Firstly, because they met on Craig's List, which I suppose is a good way to meet someone as long as you don't accidentally get on the page "Looking for Girl/Boy who will let me collar and walk them like a dog."  I just can't imagine being able to find true love on a site that offers, "I don't care what you look like, I don't want to know your name, I don't want you to call me, just come and fuck me."  How can one really expect much when you constantly have to navigate away from those pages is beyond me.  (I'm, for the record, not talking about all love sites.  I know one couple who met online and they could never be happier.  Actually you would never think that they met that way, as perfect as they are for each other.) But somehow these two found each other through all the pop-ups.  It scares me a little that Craig's list may have become an actual, reliable source for meeting that special someone.  Has it become so hard to meet people that we have no choice but to meet electronically now?  It's something like, 1/3 of marriages today met on sites like Eharmony.  I don't know which is worse, the fact that that many people need a website to meet or that that company makes that much money!  I do agree that it is hard to meet people.  I was single for four years!  My last relationship that lasted past two months (present company excluded) was in High School.  That really had me questioning the idea to move on from my High School "sweet heart" for quite a while, trust me!  Was it just luck that I met my current boyfriend?  He says that he is lucky because he met me.  I told him he is just lucky that he was drunk enough to call me over to him and his friends that night.  He is also lucky that I was in a friendly mood because usually I don't respond to strange men calling me (I promise Mom and Dad!).  To me it just seems really ridiculous that after four years of dating one "your really awesome girl Ally, but..." guy after another, that the man of my dreams was RIGHT NEXT DOOR!  And I don't mean, he moved in a week or even a couple of months before we met.  We have been there for the same amount of time.  That's two years!  And before he lived there, his best friend lived there so he was over there who knows how much.  Not that I'm  not extremely glad that I met him, but it just seems a bit cruel to me.  But I digress....does meeting someone organically require the hand of God to come down and grace us with divine intervention?  By not being on a dating site, are we just gambling our lonely lives away?


The second thing was how quick their marriage was.  What's the rush?  I just don't understand, if; you love each other that much, no one is dying, and you just met then why not wait?  There are so many pieces, big and small, to a relationship that should be savored and enjoyed.  I'm not saying that marriage does not hold these things, but a dating relationship has it's own separate from that of marriage.  For example:

1. Your first fight, I know doesn't seem like something to enjoy or look forward to but think about it.  Once you have that first fight so much changes in the relationship.  When you have your first fight, you say all these things and the other person stays, they don't run away and give up.  They stay and hash it all out with you and you are a stronger and closer couple for it.  That was something I actually missed while single.  I missed getting into fights because that is a true sign of a relationship.  When I was in single land just having dates, you couldn't pick a fight when they didn't call after they promised that they would.  Your dating.  That would seem too dependent and be "scary".  When you fight in a marriage, especially over something small, you know that they are going to stay.  They may sleep on the couch or at their mothers but divorce is a very long process that takes years.  The chance that "You didn't take out the trash," will actually end in divorce is small.  
2. When they ask you to move in.  If you are married, of course you are going to live together.  That is a given (hopefully).  When your asked for the first time to share a space with someone, it is such a wonderful feeling.  This person actually wants you around them as much as possible.  You are the first person they want to see every morning.  
3. When they propose.   It's the same as when they ask you to move in.  However, it should be something special.  Thought out and heart felt.  The couple I mentioned earlier had only been together a month when the question was popped and under the circumstances I know it was both.  I just really want, when I'm asked, for it to reflect our time together.  For the person asking to clearly know me so well that when he asks, the way he asks, leaves me no doubt when I say yes.  I am a hopeful romantic ok, I want this one moment in my life to be a story I can tell my grand kids and have them sigh in a reflective manner as they dream of the same thing happening to them one day.  I know what your thinking, "With the right man, it won't matter," and your right it won't matter because the right man will know me so well that he won't second guess himself or me.  After only two weeks, I would imagine it just comes off as rushed.

All this said, I know of plenty of couples in the world that met and quickly got married.  It happens, sometimes you just know.  I know that my relationship is on a fast track right now.  Is marriage in sight anytime soon?  No.  Those who fell in love quickly, they all met in different ways as well.  I guess what I'm asking you is to think about how you came to know the love of your life and then think about your child coming up to you and saying the same thing.  You would freak!  I know if my kid came up to me and said "I'm dating my next door neighbor and I'm in love with him," that I would be worried.  Love is given to us in all different ways and it's not my place to judge.  I promise I'm trying as hard as I can not to.  But what it comes down to is.....everybody is a little bit cynical.  I just can't help but think that it's not possible for a relationship to be good and strong if it's built so quickly.  I imagine all those houses that were built quickly and cheaply.  It isn't long before cracks in the foundation begin to show.  Maybe it doesn't matter how long you wait, maybe it's just how I was raised, and maybe the only reason I was raised that way was so my parents could keep them to themselves as long as possible.  I know I don't know the answers and even if I did they would be proven wrong and change any ways.  Well, I'm spent on this topic.  Be safe everyone.  Thoughts on the new layout?  I felt it was time to get ready for fall.  I'm excited, are you?

Is it us, or them? (Old School vs. New School)

I bumped into an old High School friend of mine last week for the first time in two years.  It was extremely good to see him and catch up.  That said, I learned some very disturbing news about his whereabouts for the past two years.

This friend and I pretty much grew up together.  We met in Middle School but didn't really hit it off till High School.  We had many classes together throughout the years, but the one thing we shared most, in time and love, was Theatre.  We had class together and where in many plays together.  As students in High School, we both did really well in our classes.  I rarely made lower than a B and never lower than a C.  He made A's and B's if not better.  In Theatre, strictly, we both excelled in that as well.  I got almost every lead in our school musicals and he was a teachers favorite and got into every play he auditioned for.  We both helped as much as possible on and off the stage and were well loved by our Theatre teacher.

So it came as no surprise that we both went to UNCG for Theatre.  He went for Acting where as I went for Theatre Education.  We both loved our classes and did what was asked of us and more.  Yet it was never enough.  It seemed that the harder we worked to please our departments, that the only thing we got in return was more stress and disapproval.  I got out and switched to English Education.  I don't stay where I'm not wanted.  And even though I had, no excuse me, have more drive and desire and love for Theatre and teaching than many of the students in that program, they decided that they didn't want someone like me.  So I left.  I unfortunately did not get out soon enough and two years in a bad major with a bad adviser has left my GPA unsightly and little left to be done with.  So now I have to transfer, and I always thought that that would be scary.  However, I am ready to get away from UNCG more than ever.

My friend, however, stayed in the program longer.  Rejected by the board for the BFA program, (Bachelors of Fine Arts, basically told to incoming students to be the only way to get a job as an actor and they only pick 12-15 students a year.  I have been told by those who went through it that it was a waste of time and money) mainly because he didn't look like the kind that they take into the program, was forced to stick with a BA in acting.  Not a bad choice as you can still take other classes in other fields and actually have other majors and/or minors.  But BA's can only take up to Acting 2 (it goes up to Acting 4) and don't get parts in UNCG plays because those are reserved for MFA's and BFA's so there is really no way to get your face out there. Plus, those in the BFA program get to go to Spotlight there senior year.  This is where UNCG takes them up to New York for a cattle call audition (multiple directors looking for actors in there plays).  You can imagine that as an acting major, how important something like this would be!  There was no way for him to get out there and get a job, so he was looking at nothing but rejection and failure.

(I hope my friend doesn't mind me telling you all this, but you guys don't know who he is and I really think it is important for all of you to know what is going on in your schools.)  After two years of this, he had a break down.  He went to the Dean to get a leave approved and get out of his classes without penalty.  He was only going to take a semester off, but once he took the time, he got worse.  He had to check himself into a facility to get better.  He ended up being out of school for two years!  He is better now and back in school.  Not for Theatre though!  He is doing better now but he has had a ruff ride.

I have had my share of break downs due to school and how much shit it has put me through.  I can't blame it all on others but it's not all my doing either.  I know of many people who have successfully graduated from UNCG with little to no problems, but they were in different majors with much better advisers (not to mention some where much smarter than me, but not all of them!).  If you have a kid or know a kid, don't let them go to UNCG for Theatre.  I really wouldn't let them go there for anything really.  So many of my friends now have admitted that they wish that they had gone somewhere else for College.  I'm not even saying that it is easier elsewhere, but the drop out rate of College seems to be going up.  I know we need to know how to do our jobs, but I have to ask, how much is too much?  How much pressure on the student today is too much?  My parents told me how, when they were in school, every teacher had a "test bank" that had old tests of every teacher and could be accessed by anyone.  They use to get together and use old tests to help them study.  There is no such thing at UNCG.

With the teachers that I have had in the past, I can honestly say that there is no way in hell that they had it this ruff in College.  If it was, they never would have become teachers, trust me on that fact!  Is it because of the incompetence of those before us that has caused for a crack down on us as students?  Or as a generation are we just not as smart and hard working?  I would like to see what would happen if you took some of the teachers and actors today and put them back through the current system and see how well they do.  I doubt many of the Actors would pass (mainly cause many of them never went to school, at least not for acting) and I can personally name some teachers that would fail miserably.  I realize that College isn't for everyone, but with mine and my friends track record through all of the other schooling we went through, nothing says that College wasn't for us.  So why is the system kicking our asses so much?  I ask you, readers, is us?  Or is it them?

A Day With The Guys

Howdy. I feel like the worst blogger, I post something one day and then months later I decide to contribute again. I promise I’ll get better. Some things have changed with me so I feel like I should update my “profile”: I’m still 23 (the big 2-4 is slowly creeping nearer), I’m officially a Brooklyn College grad student (I got my student card yesterday…I’m thinking about “accidently” losing it and just paying the $5 fee to get another one), and I have recently got myself into a fun, yet serious relationship. Details may come later.

To the point: I was recently going through some things and I remembered that I had started writing a blog post a little while ago and knowing that I hadn’t posted in some time, decided that I would like to share it. Keep in mind when I was writing this I was still completely single, although that may be quite evident in the first sentence.

Et voila:

Since I haven't been plagued with a series of relationships to fill my time, I've made some very good friends, some of those being male. It's come to the point now that I'm treated more as a guy with the guys than as a girl. It's a lot of fun sometimes, but others, slightly unnerving.

Example: I was at a friends, consisting of 2 guys and myself. Of course the topic at hand between my friends were girls: who they thought were hot, who they wanted to bone, which physical features they enjoyed best on women, who they thought were hot (reiterated on purpose), on several occasions referring to women as 'animals' (not in the good sense.), and who their next conquest was going to be. I will admit, the majority of this conversation was quite funny, but there wasn't much for me to do but sit there and listen to all of this. My polite self just sat there and smiled, but the woman inside me wanted to punch the shit out of these people. True, I probably have more things in common with my male friends than I would to any various random girl yet to completely degrade women to a point where they are nothing but objects of a perverse male fantasy isn't exactly something I care to listen to or witness. I'm sure they wouldn't exactly appreciate being alone in a room with several girls as they incessantly guy-bash and talk about all the guys they want to sleep with and in which positions. As I was sitting there I couldn't help think about their ideas of beauty and how far fetched they are, forcing me think that any average girl would be the result of a pity date and/or lay. I know it’s naïve of me to think that personality should count most, but wouldn’t it be lovely if it did? Now don’t get me wrong, looks are a major deciding factor, I mean first impressions are mainly based on appearance, and then the deal is sealed after the first few minutes they open their mouths and their personality comes out. Though shouldn’t personality count a little more than a perfect body, a little more than the perfect breasts, a little more than the perfect abs, more than the perfect hair?, and you get my point. I feel like physical appearance gets all the attention while personality has become the ousted step sister waiting for her day to be noticed.

I guess I’m just wondering if the majority of guys out there think this way: ass and tits over personality. I know that not all of them do, it’s just scary to think that there’s such a shortage of real, not-into-all-the-bullshit guys out there.

P.S. Food time!!! Roasting things in the oven has become one of my new favorite hobbies. Its so delicious, roast anything and everything! All it needs is just a little bit of olive oil and some salt and pepper. I found a recipe that has roasted grapes that I’m dying to try. If you have something you don't know how to prepare, try roasting it. Try it -you won’t be disappointed!