The Empty World

I feel it hit me.  I don't ask for it and I don't expect it.  There is nothing I can do.  It's like a bad trip from a drug, all I can do is wait it out and hope it passes soon.  It's loneliness and it's like Venom from Spider Man, it latches on to me without my permission and turns me into a different person.  I turn into this needy, weepy person.  The life drains from me and I scrape around like a zombie.  It can be triggered by many different things, all of which are unavoidable.  A friend cancels their plans with me, a couple being cute, seeing an old lover who has moved on to someone new, or a on-radio grief counseling show.  No one (currently in my life) can make it go away, I can't just call up a friend for it just wouldn't do the trick.  I also fear that it would create a co-dependency.  I'm afraid that I already have one co-dependency with relationships. Luckily it doesn't happen that often, but that also causes it to knock me even more off my game for it's unexpected.  I hate that I feel it.  I have a great life; wonderful friends, loving parents, two jobs, school, and many hobbies so many people in this world have so much less than me.  I barely have time for anything else, so why does my life feel so empty at times?  Do I really need anything else?  Many of you may argue, "yes, you need that special someone in your life!"  I'm not saying that's not true, what I'm saying is just because I don't have "him" does everything have to feel so....less?  I think it's stupid and silly that anyone could feel this way and I hate myself for feeling like this.  The only thing I can do about it is let it pass.  So I sit and type this, eating mint chocolate chip ice cream and watch Pretty Woman.  I watch as Richard Gere climbs up the fire escape to kiss Julia Roberts and think "how unrealistic".  I can't help but wonder, why can't it be like that?  The romantic aspect, not the unrealistic part (a hooker ending up looking like Julia Roberts and a rich man falling in love with her).  I can't decide if thinking that romance is dead and that stuff like romance never happens in real life is; smart or cynical?  I'm sure that will be a question that may never be answered.  Plus it's late and I really don't want to think about this any more tonight.  So I switch the T.V. over to Futurama to try and cheer myself up.  Dammit!  It's the one about Fry's dog.  Well so much for that idea.