Hello follow readers. I'm sorry that it has been soooo long since the last time I posted. Between two jobs and the play I was in, I really haven't had time for anything. The new format of the blog is for the new leaves of summer. It brings about many changes. Along with changes in one's life. For example, I'm now in a relationship. Yes readers, I now have a boyfriend. I honestly never thought it would happen to me, well not so soon. I really thought it would be a long time before I met someone. Funny thing is, he is my neighbor! Honestly I was a little creeped out by him and his friends at first when they moved in. I allowed myself to be shy and a little bit racist (but every bodies just a little bit racist right?). You have to understand, he's Moroccan and they speak Arabic, so of course I honestly thought that they were Middle Eastern. So they were strange and different to me. Of course that is now one of the many things that I love about him.
My point in telling you all this is the story of how this relationship started for me. We met one night while him and his friends were having a bar-b-que and they called me over. We talked that night and then every night after that. He is a gorgeous, exotic, and sweetest man I have ever met, so I couldn't understand what he could want from me. I thought he just wanted to sleep with me as that tends to happen with the men I date lately. They just use me and move on. I've even seen pictures of some of the girls that he didn't choose to even date for some reason, and they are beautiful. So I couldn't see why he wanted to be in a relationship (which is more than what he offered those other girls) with me. I know what your thinking; either it's "it's not all about looks," or "your a beautiful girl". Forgive me for being down on myself but lets be honest, we are all our own worst critics. Anyways, I didn't want to let him in. I refused to believe that it was real and created a wall around my heart so that he couldn't get in. Me! The girl who has always believed in love and always rooted for love, was afraid of even trying to let someone love her. I didn't realize I had let my past allow me to get so jaded. I didn't even realize it, I thought that maybe I really didn't want to be with this man. I spent a full 24 hours away from him and everyone else in my life and really thought about it. I didn't understand it; here was this beautiful man who was so nice to me. We had know each other for a week and he was already trying to take care of me which no one has ever done save for my parents (but that's their job right?). The next night after we kissed for the first time, he gave me this necklace. It's nothing special really just a gold chain, but his sister gave it to him so even though it itself is simple it is really special. I was REALLY uncomfortable with him giving it to me, but then he looked at me and said "No, this is not cause we are together. We can break up tomorrow and you would keep this. This is because you are different" (I'm typing it word for word; English is not his first language). I was so surprised that I was so guarded and distant from him. After thinking about how he treats me and how I felt, it hit me. I wasn't letting him in because I was afraid. I had allowed my past relationships (past failures and heartbreaks) stop me from allowing myself to fall for him. Once I realized this the walls just collapsed away and my real feelings flooded in like a typhoon.
How many times have people passed up the opportunity for something great just because they were scared? I'm not just talking about relationships, I'm talking about life. We all get scared of many things in our lives. We face so many choices through out it. What it really comes down to is, what will you regret? Will you regret not; taking that job or internship, meeting that friend or making that friend, going to that college, or given that person a chance to be with you. I could have just been shy and unfriendly to my neighbors and never met my now boyfriend. Regardless as to how my relationship ends, I'm never going to regret it because he loves me more than anyone ever has and I love him more than anyone else. Do you have regrets? Regrets are hard to live with, but I feel that I have none simply because I learned something from all of my experiences. So maybe you didn't take that job, that trip, that relationship, but I bet you won't make that mistake again.
