Everybody is a Little Bit Cynical

A couple of nights ago as I drove home from work, I heard a couple call into the radio station.  They had met two weeks ago, got engaged on Saturday, and then instead of waiting went ahead and got married on Monday.  They sounded so happy and excited, yet all I felt was horror.  Firstly, because they met on Craig's List, which I suppose is a good way to meet someone as long as you don't accidentally get on the page "Looking for Girl/Boy who will let me collar and walk them like a dog."  I just can't imagine being able to find true love on a site that offers, "I don't care what you look like, I don't want to know your name, I don't want you to call me, just come and fuck me."  How can one really expect much when you constantly have to navigate away from those pages is beyond me.  (I'm, for the record, not talking about all love sites.  I know one couple who met online and they could never be happier.  Actually you would never think that they met that way, as perfect as they are for each other.) But somehow these two found each other through all the pop-ups.  It scares me a little that Craig's list may have become an actual, reliable source for meeting that special someone.  Has it become so hard to meet people that we have no choice but to meet electronically now?  It's something like, 1/3 of marriages today met on sites like Eharmony.  I don't know which is worse, the fact that that many people need a website to meet or that that company makes that much money!  I do agree that it is hard to meet people.  I was single for four years!  My last relationship that lasted past two months (present company excluded) was in High School.  That really had me questioning the idea to move on from my High School "sweet heart" for quite a while, trust me!  Was it just luck that I met my current boyfriend?  He says that he is lucky because he met me.  I told him he is just lucky that he was drunk enough to call me over to him and his friends that night.  He is also lucky that I was in a friendly mood because usually I don't respond to strange men calling me (I promise Mom and Dad!).  To me it just seems really ridiculous that after four years of dating one "your really awesome girl Ally, but..." guy after another, that the man of my dreams was RIGHT NEXT DOOR!  And I don't mean, he moved in a week or even a couple of months before we met.  We have been there for the same amount of time.  That's two years!  And before he lived there, his best friend lived there so he was over there who knows how much.  Not that I'm  not extremely glad that I met him, but it just seems a bit cruel to me.  But I digress....does meeting someone organically require the hand of God to come down and grace us with divine intervention?  By not being on a dating site, are we just gambling our lonely lives away?


The second thing was how quick their marriage was.  What's the rush?  I just don't understand, if; you love each other that much, no one is dying, and you just met then why not wait?  There are so many pieces, big and small, to a relationship that should be savored and enjoyed.  I'm not saying that marriage does not hold these things, but a dating relationship has it's own separate from that of marriage.  For example:

1. Your first fight, I know doesn't seem like something to enjoy or look forward to but think about it.  Once you have that first fight so much changes in the relationship.  When you have your first fight, you say all these things and the other person stays, they don't run away and give up.  They stay and hash it all out with you and you are a stronger and closer couple for it.  That was something I actually missed while single.  I missed getting into fights because that is a true sign of a relationship.  When I was in single land just having dates, you couldn't pick a fight when they didn't call after they promised that they would.  Your dating.  That would seem too dependent and be "scary".  When you fight in a marriage, especially over something small, you know that they are going to stay.  They may sleep on the couch or at their mothers but divorce is a very long process that takes years.  The chance that "You didn't take out the trash," will actually end in divorce is small.  
2. When they ask you to move in.  If you are married, of course you are going to live together.  That is a given (hopefully).  When your asked for the first time to share a space with someone, it is such a wonderful feeling.  This person actually wants you around them as much as possible.  You are the first person they want to see every morning.  
3. When they propose.   It's the same as when they ask you to move in.  However, it should be something special.  Thought out and heart felt.  The couple I mentioned earlier had only been together a month when the question was popped and under the circumstances I know it was both.  I just really want, when I'm asked, for it to reflect our time together.  For the person asking to clearly know me so well that when he asks, the way he asks, leaves me no doubt when I say yes.  I am a hopeful romantic ok, I want this one moment in my life to be a story I can tell my grand kids and have them sigh in a reflective manner as they dream of the same thing happening to them one day.  I know what your thinking, "With the right man, it won't matter," and your right it won't matter because the right man will know me so well that he won't second guess himself or me.  After only two weeks, I would imagine it just comes off as rushed.

All this said, I know of plenty of couples in the world that met and quickly got married.  It happens, sometimes you just know.  I know that my relationship is on a fast track right now.  Is marriage in sight anytime soon?  No.  Those who fell in love quickly, they all met in different ways as well.  I guess what I'm asking you is to think about how you came to know the love of your life and then think about your child coming up to you and saying the same thing.  You would freak!  I know if my kid came up to me and said "I'm dating my next door neighbor and I'm in love with him," that I would be worried.  Love is given to us in all different ways and it's not my place to judge.  I promise I'm trying as hard as I can not to.  But what it comes down to is.....everybody is a little bit cynical.  I just can't help but think that it's not possible for a relationship to be good and strong if it's built so quickly.  I imagine all those houses that were built quickly and cheaply.  It isn't long before cracks in the foundation begin to show.  Maybe it doesn't matter how long you wait, maybe it's just how I was raised, and maybe the only reason I was raised that way was so my parents could keep them to themselves as long as possible.  I know I don't know the answers and even if I did they would be proven wrong and change any ways.  Well, I'm spent on this topic.  Be safe everyone.  Thoughts on the new layout?  I felt it was time to get ready for fall.  I'm excited, are you?